Answered by Shaykh Yūsuf Badāt
Question:
If a girl and a boy are in love with one another at a young age, what are they supposed to do? What if they want to get married but are scared to talk to their parents? What is the best thing to do? A very common problem among our youth today.
Answer:
In the Name of God, Most Merciful, Most Kind
Jazāk Allāh Khayr/ Thank you for your question.
In general circumstances, marriage is considered a sunnah (prophetic practice). One is encouraged to marry and start a family. – (Rad al Mukhtār)
In the situation where one fears falling into sin (fornication), then marriage becomes obligatory (wājib).
One is recommended not to marry (makrūh taḥrīmī) in the case where one is terminally ill, feeble or unable to fulfil rights associated with marriage. (See: Fiqh al Ḥalāl wa al-Ḥarām of Muftī Khālid Saifullāh Al-Raḥmānī)
It is natural when youth begin to mature, they have tendencies to incline towards the opposite gender. Enzymes, hormones and emotions begin to erupt. Islamically, the appropriate thing to do is follow all Islamic rules of gender interaction, including adopting modest dressing, limiting unnecessary interaction, avoiding immoral discussions, pornography, refraining from any physical contact and being in seclusion together.
It is also important to note that in many cases, the desire and or feelings is prompted by infatuation and lust. This is not the love that leads to marriage or matrimony.
That being said, if there is a genuine situation of two young individuals interested in each other for marriage, it is recommended that they respectfully and openly speak to their parents about their intention of marriage. This can be rendered by communicating with the more approachable parent first. Trusted relatives can also be involved in the discussions. Caring parents will be understanding and help deal with the situation.
One should understand that marriage is not a joke and or amusement. It is a serious responsibility that entails time, commitment, financial obligations and other related duties. If the young couple are aware of these obligations and ready to take upon them, there is no objection in marrying young and beginning matrimony life, from the Islamic point of view.
In some situations, there are cultural barriers, which have nothing to do with Islam. These cultural practices become an obstacle for a genuine, responsible young couple to marry in the best interest of safeguarding their modesty. In such situations, a little patience is required. Respectful and open discussions should take place with parents and elders of the families. Community imams and or leaders who understand the situation may also play an important role in facilitating appropriate steps for the marriage to materialize.
“Arrange the marriage of the spouseless among you, and the capable from among your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, God will enrich them out of His grace. God is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing”. – (Qur’ān 24:32)
“O group of youth, those of you have the means, should certainly marry” – (Ṣāḥīḥ Bukhārī and Muslim)
May the Almighty facilitate success for one and all.
And Allāh Knows Best
