Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Badat
Question:
My parents are forcing me to get married and I do not know what to do. I have tried a million times to talk to them but it is not working. What should I do? Please give me real advice as this is affecting me mentally.
Answer:
Jazakumullahu Khayr/ Thank you for your question. May Allāh bless you with success and prosperity. May He relive you of the stressful situation.
Communication is very important in matters such as determining a suitable marriage partner. In most cases, parents are looking out for the best, regarding their children. Parents are duty bound to provide encouragement and sincere guidance. However, parents are not to force their children into a marriage.
You should respectfully communicate to your parents, your choice of a good spouse. Your consent is mandatory for the marriage to be valid. It is recommended that you respectfully and openly speak to your parents related to your specific intentions of a marriage partner. This can be rendered by communicating with the more approachable parent first. Trusted relatives can also be involved in the discussions. Caring parents will be understanding and help deal with the situation.
In some situations, there are cultural barriers, which have nothing to do with Islam. These cultural practices become an obstacle for a genuine, responsible individual to marry a partner of his or her choice. In such situations, a little patience is required. Respectful and open discussions should take place with parents and elders of the families. Community imams who understand the situation may also play an important role in facilitating appropriate steps for the marriage to materialize. Seek help from trusted community resources.
“A previously married woman has more right regarding herself than her guardian, and the permission of a virgin must be sought (for marriage)” (Saḥīḥ Muslim)
“A young woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) and told him that her father had married her off against her will. The Prophet (peace and blessings of upon him) gave her the choice (to nullify the marriage or stay in the marriage)” (Sunan Abī Dawūd)
“It is not permissible for the guardian to force a sane mature virgin woman to marry… if she refuses (to marry someone), she cannot be made to marry” (Mukhtaṣar al Qudūri)
And Allah Knows Best
